Falling in Love With My Ex’s Best Read online

  When I come back, I find Bryn staring at the living room ceiling. I hold out the water. “Down this. You seriously need it.”

  He doesn’t argue. He takes it and unloads the whole glass down his throat without looking like he feels or tastes it. I’m willing to bet that Bryn stewed about this all day and just blew up. That’s pretty much how he operates. He’s level headed until he’s not. The storm comes, then it blows off and everything is good again.

  Except in this case, I doubt that shit can be fixed. Cozzie’s damn ring is sitting just a few feet away.

  I’m also willing to bet that all that water just hit Bryn’s empty stomach, since he likely didn’t eat all day while he was in the process of brewing up said storm, and it probably hit that whisky like a rock and is sloshing all over the place.

  I slam myself down beside Bryn on the couch, far enough away that if the fucker decides to puke, I’ll probably get missed. It’s a smart move. I know Bryn too well.

  “Do you want to tell me how that went down?” I sweep my eyes to the kitchen. Since Bryn, Karsyn, Jake, and me all renovated the place shortly after Bryn bought it and tore down all the walls, I helped make it that way. The ring sits there within seeing distance, mocking both of us.

  “It’s not a surprise.” Bryn rolls his eyes like he could make it an Olympic sport. “We’ve been living in this house together for a year now and we’re like strangers. She sleeps in the guest room.”

  I open my mouth. Close it. My lips work like I’m trying to form words, but nothing actually comes out. My jaw clenches. Clicks. Finally, I sigh, and that opens up the floodgates.

  “I don’t know. I mean, I know you guys had your problems. Last year, at Jake and Arla’s wedding, you two were barely civil. We don’t all get together that often anymore. I’ve barely seen Cozzie these past few months. You never really said anything. I had no idea you guys were that bad. I thought you’d figure it out. Everyone has arguments and fights and bad times. Are you sure about this?”

  Bryn starts to laugh, but probably thinks better of it, since it seems a little cold, a tad callous, and a whole lot psycho at the moment. He probably doesn’t want me to think he’s that shitfaced either.

  “You have no idea. No one does. No one has any idea, from the outside looking in. People always seem like they’re happy and they’re put together and they’re really the exact opposite. I told Cozzie last year that I didn’t love her anymore. Not like that.”

  I suck in a sharp breath, all while trying to keep a mask of indifference in place. I can only imagine what’s going on under Bryn’s own jumbled up surface. I know the guy. I know him well. I’ve also known Cozzie for as long as he has, maybe even longer. Bryn was too chicken shit to ask her out back in high school. I was the one who finally pushed him into it, since he walked around moonstruck for months. I did it because the guy was and is like a brother. Sometimes you really can be your own downfall.

  “I had zero idea that anything was going on, at least not like what you just said. What do you mean you told her you didn’t love her? And you guys worked it out?”

  “No. We never did.” Bryn runs a hand through his hair, mussing it worse than it probably already is. He looks like a wreck, but he’s giving off the vibe that he’s actually relieved. Just to prove it, he inhales deeply and lets it out, like he’s learning how to breathe all over again.

  “And you stayed in the same house? Together? You let all of us think everything was going okay?” I know I’m not playing a very good poker face right now, but I can’t fucking help it. It’s just so bizarre. How could they have faked it for so long without telling anyone what they were going through? I give them props for loyalty at least. “Did you leave any of that whisky? I think I need a drink too.”

  “Half a bottle, I think. It’s on the kitchen counter. Help yourself.”

  I don’t move. I want to, but I can’t. “I saw her ring on the table. You guys are really breaking up?” It’s just so fucking hard to believe. They’ve been a done deal for as long as anyone can remember.

  “Yeah. We’ve been together for thirteen years. That’s a long time. Longer than most marriages last. I don’t know. We started dating when we were sixteen. We were basically each other’s firsts.” Bryn actually blushes a little. “My point is, all we’ve ever known is each other.”

  “So there’s someone else?”

  “No. There’s no one else. Not for either of us.”

  Bryn sounds sincere and I already know there would never be anyone else for Cozzie. I give my head a shake, hoping that something will click and make sense, but all I can find are loose ends and unconnected dots.

  “I’m not sure I’m tracking, Bryn. What’s the deal? How could you just tell her you don’t love her?”

  Great. Now I’m really giving away the fact that I’m pissed. My teeth grinding is probably audible from where Bryn is sitting and by the way he stats squirming, I don’t doubt that I’m giving off the vibe that he’s a maggot I just picked out of food I’m supposed to eat.

  “I wasn’t trying to be harsh.” Decoded: “You should be on my side in this.”

  I feel my nostrils flare and I wish I could get my ass up and go get that whisky, but we both can’t be tanked and useless, so I stay put. Bryn realizes how childish that sounds and swallows hard, probably swallowing back the other shit he wants to say that I don’t want to hear.

  “She actually brought it up. She said that she felt like we’d changed. Like we’d changed a lot. Both of us. She hinted that maybe she wasn’t happy.”

  “Yeah, well, maybe she sensed that you didn’t give a shit anymore. That can do things to a person.”

  “It wasn’t like that. We just…we changed. We aren’t the same people we were when we were sixteen. I don’t know. Things drop off. People get busy with their careers and…I don’t know, okay. I don’t want to hash this out with you. Just take my word that this was a long time coming and it wasn’t a surprise to either of us. We decided to part as adults. Go our separate ways, but still be friends”

  “I don’t know, Bryn. You’ve really thought this through?” I hate the monstrous part of myself that wants to stop asking him that. That wants to stop fighting him on this. That wants him to stop fighting to save the scraps of his relationship.

  “Yes. We’ve been done for a year, and living together thinking something would change was just going through the motions. We were done before that. It just wasn’t the same. All the fire was gone.”

  “And you don’t think that you’re just confused or something? You haven’t even talked to anyone about this. You’re sure? You’re not just wrecking your life here, you’re wrecking hers. And your families. Everyone thought of you guys as a done deal.”

  “That’s the problem.” This time Bryn is the one grinding his teeth. “Everyone just got so used to the idea of us that they didn’t see and didn’t want to see the reality.”

  “And she’s okay?”

  Bryn’s sigh isn’t so healthy this time. “I was kind of harsh at the end. I don’t know. I just woke up this morning and I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t take being fake for one more day. Christmas is hard. I didn’t want to face her family and mine together. I just couldn’t fucking take it. I lost it in the kitchen. I mean, I wasn’t yelling or anything, but I pounded back half a bottle while we were talking just to try to keep it together. I told her that I won’t be here tonight or tomorrow and that I want her out by the time I’m back at seven. I don’t know. Maybe that was wrong.”

  The hair on the back of my arms stands on end and I have to keep my hands planted between my knees to keep from balling them into fists that I’d like to plant right in the middle of Bryn’s fucking perfect teeth.

  “Maybe? You gave her one day to get out? Where is she even going to go?”

  Bryn shrugs and I curb the urge to strangle him. He’s being a dick right now, callous as shit, and not just because he’s loaded. He’s just that way. He’s the one who keeps his he
ad on straight when shit goes down. He never flies off the handle. He’s never been overly comfortable with emotion, feeling it or showing it. I have to remind myself this is just typical Bryn being Bryn.

  “I don’t know. Her parents? Her sister? She has a good job. Cozzie is tough. She’ll rebound. She probably has a plan in place. I’m sure she was thinking about getting out and what that meant to her, exactly like I was.”

  “Still. Bryn! You can’t just kick her out like that.”

  “It’s not like she really has much here. Just her clothes and some stuff like that. She can move everything in her car.”

  “You’re an asshole,” I snort. “It’s Christmas, man. Do you expect her to just uproot her whole life overnight and impose herself on someone else in the middle of a busy, stressful season? What is wrong with you? It’s the end of the month too. I doubt there’s that much open for rent right now.”

  “Maybe you could offer her a place,” Bryn snaps.

  My eyes are definitely rolling in their sockets. I feel blood rush to my face and I know I’m probably ten shades of red. Cozzie could never stay at my place. I want to throttle him for even suggesting it, but then I have to remind myself that Cozzie is my friend too.

  We’re a tight group. Me and Bryn, Cozzie, Arla and Jake, Karsyn and Breona. We’ve hung out since high school. We’ve all known each other forever. Jake and Arla have been together longest, and they actually made it. They got married last year and they’re completely in love. Shock of all shocks, Karsyn and Breona, who hated each other for the past decade for shit that went down right before we graduated, actually got together and shacked up. They just moved back from Raleigh here to San Diego a few months ago and they’re hosting a huge party in their new home.

  I realize I’m still staring Bryn down like I want to put my foot up his ass and give him the swift kick he fucking needs, so I wipe that look off my face and cross my arms over my chest and do my best impression of annoyance.

  “I didn’t mean that,” Bryn clarifies. “It’s just that you have a house and no roommates or girlfriend or anything and everyone else has a life.”

  “Thanks, man. That’s really fucking charitable. Did you ever stop to think how uncomfortable that would make Cozzie?” Then there’s the small fact that you and all of our friends have no idea where I live. I’ve kept the place a secret for so long it’s a complete shock that Bryn would even suggest it.

  “It would probably be better than her staying at her parents’. Fuck. I should have thought of this.”

  “She is not staying with me.”

  “Right. Sorry.” Bryn drags a hand through his hair again. He’s starting to look disgustingly pale and a little green around the edges.

  I’m guessing the water and whisky aren’t mixing well. I can practically hear the sloshing going on and I shift back up against the couch, since I already know this isn’t going to end well.

  “I didn’t really think this through. It just kind of came out. I should have waited. She said that too, but I pissed her off and she walked out. I should have waited until after, when she had things sorted. I can give her more time. We’ll still tell everyone, but she should come back here until she can find somewhere to go and I’ll get a hotel room and stay there.”

  Bryn goes for his phone, but remembers too late that it’s currently doing a backstroke in the toilet down the hall.

  “My phone is out of commission,” Bryn groans. “Will you call Cozzie? Tell her that I’ll get a hotel for a week, or longer if she needs? It’s Christmas. I was an asshole. I don’t want it to end like this, not after all these years, with her hating me when I said we could try and be friends.”

  “You said that?”

  “No. I said we could both be adults. I don’t know about friends. I just didn’t think it was appropriate to drop the friend zone on her while I was pounding back whisky and she looked like she wanted to throw her ring at my head.”

  “She should have. Maybe it would have knocked some sense into you. God. If you didn’t want to be with her, why put her through all of this the past year?”

  “It was a mutual decision.”

  “Fine,” I huff.

  I don’t look at Bryn, afraid of what I’ll do if I stare at his mug for a second longer. Instead, I study the hardwood like it’s fascinating. It isn’t. I was the one who helped Bryn install it . He got it on sale for a dollar a square foot, so yeah, nothing special.

  “I’ll text her and let her know. And I’ll take your ass out of her and drop you off wherever you need to be so that you can start on damage control. I have a family dinner in an hour that I have to be at, so I’d really appreciate if you pulled your head out of your ass sooner rather than later and sobered the hell up.”

  At that moment, as if to punctuate my statement, all the whisky and water obviously make their way up Bryn’s throat and he can’t swallow it back. He leans over the side of the couch and empties the contents of his stomach all over the hardwood I was just looking at.

  “See…” I shake my head when Bryn slams a hand to his mouth, wiping away the spittle.

  Bryn’s eyes are literally pouring water from the strain of just hurling, his life is falling apart, and somehow he still finds the strength to flip me off. Classic.

  This is going to be the best Christmas in history.

  Chapter 3

  Cozzie

  I did warn my sister that I was coming over, but when I knock on the door of Taye’s small townhouse, she still answers the door half in shock that I’m actually there.

  “What’s going on?” she asks before I’m even half inside. “Why you are here and not at Mom and Dad’s? And where’s Bryn? What’s happening? Why does your face look like that?”

  I shoulder my way through the door and shut it so the entire complex doesn’t have to hear about my marital woes. Oh right. We never even made it that far.

  “Can I at least come in and get my shoes off and a glass of water before we launch into twenty questions?”

  Taye winces and I cram my inner bitch back down where it belongs. This isn’t my sister’s fault. Taye is sweet. She’s kind. She’s beautiful. She’s four years younger than me and would never hurt a fly, not even if said fly had been buzzing around her head all damn week. She’d try and trap it and let it outside. Seriously. She’s that nice. She’s never had a serious boyfriend, but she’s got a heart that’s always overflowing, so I know she’ll feel just as much compassion and empathy as anyone who has ever been through a messy, painful breakup.

  Not that this is what this is. I keep telling myself that.

  Getting told to be out of my own house, out of my life, out of everything I knew, within twenty-four hours doesn’t really make me believe in the whole friendship after a breakup thing, even if I don’t want to drag anything out and make it really awkward with all of our mutual friends.

  “Sorry.” Taye’s eyes flick to the blonde laminate flooring and her cheery welcome mat of the snowman holding a tray of cookies. For some reason, it’s on the inside and I don’t have the heart to tell her that it shouldn’t be.

  I kick my ankle boots off and she follows me into her small living room. Her townhouse is in a not so savory part of town. Mom and Dad wanted her to stay there instead of moving out, but she wouldn’t listen. She wanted her own place, even if it meant having to buy it in a shittier neighborhood where the prices were lower. She’s done a good job of making it a home. She’s like Arla and enjoys antiques and thrifting and her house is a mishmash of colored furniture and different artwork that somehow all works together in an eclectic mix that doesn’t look out of place.

  I sink down on the couch, already dressed in my Christmas outfit of a green silk dress and black leggings. I really wish I could pretend that I didn’tbuy it just for our family dinners. I need to be smarter about money now, not waste it on frivolous shit that I don’t even really need. I had already done my hair and makeup by the time Bryn had his meltdown. Unfortunately, that just means
I have mascara and eyeliner that are going to be everywhere if I cry. Which I suddenly feel like doing, even though I knew this was coming. Even though, on the drive over, I actually felt like I could take a deep breath for the first time in ages.

  Before I can say anything, my phone dings from my purse, which I still have looped around my shoulder. If Bryn is texting me that he’s sorry, that shit is not going to fly. I’m not going back and neither is he. He’s right. We both have to be adults, and that means not wavering when we both know it’s the right thing to do just because we’re worried about the fallout.

  Taye stares at me with huge, liquid eyes while I read the text. It’s not from Bryn. It’s from Trell.

  Sorry to hear about everything that went down. Don’t worry, I’ve got Bryn. The bastard dunked his phone so he can’t text you. He told me to tell you that he’s going to stay in a hotel for the rest of the week, or longer, so that you have time to get your stuff out of the house and find somewhere else to go.

  My eyes flash to my sister’s face, but she takes the opportunity to scuttle off to the kitchen. I hear her running water and I know she’s making tea. My sister loves tea. I actually don’t like it, but I would never tell her that because she’s hell bent on keeping the belief that a cup of tea can fix just about anything.

  Which means that she either read my face or caught a glimpse of that text and she knows something is majorly off. Okay, the fact that I’m here right before we’re supposed to be at our parents’ place pretty much gives that away.

  I know I have to respond, so I type something back without thinking.

  Thanks, Trell. I appreciate it. I know Bryn does too. Thanks for being there right now. I’ll be fine. Tell him thank you, I will try and have my stuff out as soon as I can. I’m sure I’ll figure out a place to go. Don’t worry about me. Just look after Bryn, will you?